


Long Drive home.

by Diorionn



Series: Reunion. [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe – Human, Angst, Dean did not have a happy childhood, Depressed Dean Winchester, Hurt Dean Winchester, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Domestic Violence, M/M, Minor Character Death, Raphael is trans, Repressed Dean Winchester, but he means well, lucifer is annoying, mentioned cross-dressing, two idiots who don't talk about their feelings.... spending a whole lot of time doing just that
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-04
Updated: 2020-01-10
Packaged: 2021-02-27 10:48:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 14,347
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22105849
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Diorionn/pseuds/Diorionn
Summary: Dean's life is falling apart. To be honest, it's not really much of a life any more. There's nothing keeping him at home, so he packs his bags and gets in the car. He's theoretically driving to see Sam graduate, but maybe he's just trying to get away from who he was. At least he's not making the journey alone.
Relationships: Lucifer/Dean Winchester
Series: Reunion. [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1605364
Comments: 10
Kudos: 93





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is just pure self-indulgence on my part, and I haven't decided how far I'll let it go. But hopefully it balances the heavy angst that is Dean, with the pure fluff that is Luci...?  
> As always, unbeta'd and if I haven't tagged something, feel free to let me know.

~*~*~*~*~

_It had been almost four years since Dean had last seen his little brother. Nearly four years since Dean came home from work to find a note on his pillow, “I can’t stay here any more. Sam”, scrawled in Sam’s messy writing, with all his stuff gone. It wasn’t even much of a note considering the impact it had on Dean..._

_Dean never once complained about his lot in life, not even when two days later when he finally got a voicemail from a payphone, that conversation as brief as the note left for him. “Hi Dean, it’s me... Sam. Look, I know you’re probably pissed as hell, and I get it, but I couldn’t take it any more, okay? You’re stronger than me... I just... It doesn’t matter. I don’t have much change; I just wanted to let you know that I’m okay. I have a full ride to Stanford, I start in two days. Please... don’t tell...” followed by a dial tone. It wasn’t much of a good bye from the person the last eighteen years of Dean’s life had been dedicated to._

_But just because Sam was gone, Dean’s life didn’t change. He had always been a good son, and he always would be, after all, if he didn’t look after his family, who would? Besides, he had always known that one day Sam would leave him, and if he was completely honest with himself; it hadn’t been a surprise that he was gone, just the way he left. Dean had always thought he was worth more than a letter and a voicemail, but apparently Sam didn’t agree._

“Wow, my brothers say I’m a terrible judge of character, but if ever I’ve seen a man who should not be drinking alone, you, my friend, are that man.”

Dean looked up from where he had been staring a hole in the rough wood of the bar to find the bluest pair of eyes he had ever seen looking back at him. “Sounds like your brothers are right, because I am exactly the sort of man who should be drinking alone.”

“Ouch, do me a favour and don’t tell them that? I have a reputation for always being right.” The stranger gave Dean a wink before turning his attention to the barman and holding up two fingers. Dean took the chance to give the guy a quick once over, noticing the battered army boots, blue jeans with a rip in the knee and an army green shirt open over a black Metallica T-shirt, despite the easy 80 degrees outside. The look was finished by messy blond hair and about three days worth of scruff. Dean guessed the man’s age to be somewhere between late twenties and early thirties, before turning back to picking at the label on his beer. He’d been nursing the same bottle since he got to the bar about three hours ago, it had long since gone flat and warm, but he couldn’t bring himself to order another. 

“You play pool?” Blondie asked with a raised brow, taking one of the bottles the bartender had just left and nudging the other towards Dean before turning to sit backwards on the stool, elbows on the bar.

“Look man, I already told you, I’m not interested in company.”

“Yeah I know, but I recon you need it anyway. Like I said, you look like a man who shouldn’t be alone with your own thoughts, and trust me when I say I know a thing or two about that. So, spare us both the pain of a long drawn out conversation about our feelings while we braid each other’s hair. Pick up the fresh beer, and come play a game of pool with me.”

Dean snorted softly, giving a small shake of his head. “It’s funny, if you were a chick, I’d be all over that offer, but...”

“Hey, if it’s a bit of pink lace and a dress you’re looking for, I’m happy to oblige. I’ve been told I make a seriously hot chick.” The guy tilted his head back enough to give Dean another wink to go with his easy smirk and despite his best efforts, a laugh escaped Dean.

“Yeah, you might want to shave first.”

“Aww, not a fan of the beard-burn?”

“Can’t say I’ve ever tried it.”

“Well I’m always happy to be someone’s first...” This was accompanied by a little head tilt and raised eyebrows. Dean snorted another laugh, shaking his head again before pushing his half drunk beer away and getting to his feet.

“Well, you can be the first time I’ve turned down a leggy, blue-eyed blonde? But I’ve got to get going. It... Hasn’t been a pleasure.”

“Trust me; talking to that scoundrel is no one’s pleasure.” The bartender chuckled as he took Dean’s bottle and wiped the counter with an old rag. The blond rolled his eyes but got up too, following Dean, beer still in hand.

“Where abouts you heading?”

“Look man. I admire your determination, but still not interested.”

The blond rolled his eyes again. “Trust me, the feeling is mutual. I’m just looking for a ride and since I’ve been here three hours and no one is heading my way, I’m starting to get a little desperate. So. What way you going?"

Dean frowned, turning to look at the guy again. The smirk was gone from his face and beneath all the joking; Dean could see someone who suddenly looked as exhausted as he felt. With a sigh he dragged a hand through his hair, shaking his head again, but this time at his own stupidity. “Where do you need to be?”

“California.”

“I’m heading to Stanford?”

“Perfect, although I did not peg you as a college boy.” The other man held out a hand to shake, with a slightly confused squint before adding, “Name’s Luci.”

“Dean,” Dean replied, shaking the man’s hand and not commenting on the use of a girl’s name. He was beginning to wonder if the offer of a dress was as joking as it had seemed. “I’m just going to hit the head and then we can go?”

“Ready when you are.” Luci gave Dean an easy grin before downing the rest of his bottle and heading back to the bar. By the time Dean came back from the men’s room, Luci was leaned next to the door, long legs crossed as he texted on a phone, a battered duffle bag next to him on the floor.

“Ready?” Dean asked, already pushing the door open and walking through without waiting for a reply. Luci didn’t respond, just shouldered his bag and followed behind Dean, tossing a lazy wave back towards the barman. Where-ever he was coming from or going to, it was clear that wasn’t his first time in the bar.

“Which cars yours? I should warn you, if it’s a hybrid I will probably cry.”

It was Dean’s turn to grin as he sauntered over to his baby, patting the shiny black roof of his 1967 Chevrolet Impala. “Nah man, no hybrids over here.” The appreciative wolf whistle from behind him got the first genuine smile from Dean in what felt like years. Probably from before Sam left so many years ago.

“Well now, I don’t even know which is the sweeter ride any more, you or your car.” Luci’s voice was practically a purr as he climbed into the shot gun seat next to Dean, tossing his bag in the back as he did.

“Wow, do you ever stop?”

“When it so clearly makes someone uncomfortable? Nope.” Luci replied, popping the P and giving Dean what could only be described as a shit-eating grin, before he settled into the seat, turning his head to look out the window as the engine revved. Dean was a little over half way from where he started, but there was still a long way to go and he had a feeling, with his current company, it was going to be a very long drive.

~*~*~*~*~

_Growing up with a little brother like his, Dean had been forced to accept at an early age that he would never be the smartest member of his family. That was okay with him though. He was a big brother, and with that came certain privileges, for example he got the car (Dean’s pride and joy), he got to do all the driving (because no one was driving his baby but him), and he was allowed to drink years before Sam. But being the eldest also came with responsibility. It was Dean’s job to make sure homework got done, that Sam was in school on time and that he had food in his belly. He also did 90% of the bedtime stories and, later, got to be the one collecting dad from the bar when he was too drunk to get home on his own, and the one kicking dad out of the house to cool off when the same drink went to his head._

_In many ways, Sam’s success was a direct reflection on Dean’s love and care, (not that the L-word was ever used). Dean’s earliest memory was of touching his mom’s belly and feeling the pressure of a foot pressing back against him. His second clearest memory was watching mom come home, baby Sam in the car seat, looking so small and so curious of the world. Mom and dad both crouching down so that little four year old Dean could take a look at the baby, and Mom whispering soft so as not to wake him, “Come here Dean, come meet our newest family member. This is your little brother, Sam. I want you to take good care of Sam, he’s going to need his big brother as he gets older. Okay?"_

_From that moment on, Sam became Dean’s world, because Sam was the important thing. So he helped in any way he could, always wanting to hold the bottle and change his diaper and when he was a year old, it was Dean his baby brother walked to. By the time Sam was 4, Dean was already doing story time, after all, he was better at the voices, and when Sam was 6, and started complaining he couldn’t sleep with all the shouting, Dean stole him a walkman and some headphones. He kept Sam safe from Dad’s tempers and made sure he never saw mom hurt. From the second mom brought home the baby and asked Dean to look after his little brother, Sam had a need, and Dean fulfilled it._

“You planning on driving all night? Coz I just saw a sign for a motel if you wanted to rest.”

Dean actually jumped, foot slamming on the break and jerking them both forward at the sudden deceleration. “Fuck man! Don’t do that!”

There was a breathless laugh from the seat next to him followed by an “Ow” and Dean glanced over to see the blond rubbing his forehead but still grinning. Dean rolled his eyes, before getting the car back on track.

“If you’re looking for sympathy, you won’t find it here you asshole.”

“Hey man, I’m not the one who forgot I had someone else in the car. So stopping?”

Dean yawned, shaking his head slightly as he was suddenly reminded of how tired he was. “I was going to go a little further before crashing on the backseat, but if you want to grab a room I can let you out?”

“Nah man, I can go on... or you want me to take a turn behind the wheel? You zoned out pretty bad there.”

“No one drives my baby.” Dean muttered before smothering another yawn. “But maybe a cat nap would be a good idea; I didn’t get much sleep last night.”

Luci turned to look at Dean, a small smirk tugging the corner of his mouth. “Or I can keep you awake? What’s waiting in Stanford? Wrong time of year to be starting class.”

Dean cracked the window open a little wider, letting the still warm air into the car in the hopes it would wake him up a little. “Family.”

“Ah, my condolences.”

“What?” Dean spared a confused glance to the side, looking at the blonde who was still watching him with those too blue eyes.

“My family’s from Cali too. Hippie central. All about the hybrids and organic vegan bullshit.”

“Oh. Well Sam was born in Kansas, so he’s not a vegan, but he’s always been a bit of a green-peace save the whale kid.”

“Well four years is more than enough time to change him if you ask me. I bet every time he came home for the holidays he was that little bit more contaminated.”

“He never came home. I thought you promised no feelings shit?”

“Mm, that was when beer and pool were on offer instead. You made your choice, regret it much?”

A second glance to the side showed Luci nibbling on a ragged thumb nail, the hint of his tongue just visible in the corner of his mouth as he watched Dean. “Sam was big on the chick flick moments. Maybe I should introduce you two. You’ll get along great I’m sure.”

Luci chuckled, “Already letting me meet the family? I had no idea you felt that strongly about me Dean!”

Dean pulled a face and made an irritated noise as he followed a motel sign off the interstate. “Fuck you man.”

“Mmm, if you have condoms and lube, I’m down for that.”

This time Dean did not look to the side, keeping his attention square on the road as he felt tell-tale heat flood his cheeks. “Okay... I’m really not gay.”

“Come on man, I warned you that the more uncomfortable something makes you, the more I’m going to do it. Besides, you set me up perfectly, you really expected me to walk away from it? Also, that little blush you got going on there? Adorable.”

“Fuck... off.” Dean sighed as he parked the car in the lot, sparing a glare at his passenger before getting out and grabbing his own bag from the trunk. He didn’t look at the other man as he started strolling towards the motel reception, trusting the other guy was following.

Dean paid for a twin, with a pointed look over his shoulder at Luci who was standing with an arm slung casually around Dean’s neck and an easy smirk on his face. “Any where to buy some food?”

“Bar across the street does burgers and fries. Nothing to write home about, but it’s cheap and filling.” The receptionist replied, looking from Dean to Luci and back again, face carefully blank. 

Thanks man.” Dean muttered before shrugging out from under the loose arm. If he had known what he was getting himself into, he never would have offered the stranger a ride.

~*~*~*~*~

_Now, when you consider that Dean’s whole life had revolved around his little brother for so many years, you would think that Sammy leaving would change everything. The reality was very different._

_Life went on._

_Every morning Dean got up, rolled dad over to make sure he didn’t choke on his own puke, and headed off to work. He pulled the same 10 hour shift at the same garage, fixing punctured tires and replacing light bulbs, before heading over to the roadhouse bar, to work the evening shift. He clocked off at the glorious time of 1am, locked up the bar and half dragged, half carried dad to the car to get them both home._

_In the grand scheme of things, the only thing Sam leaving changed, was that he no longer had a little brother to argue with when he dragged their drunk father home. And Sam was never going to stay forever. His little brother was clever, kind, determined, an all round good kid. He was far too good to end up like his parents. To clever to end up like mom; stuck in a loveless marriage and too scared to leave, working the same mindless job day in and day out because someone needed to pay the bills, and picking up all the hours under the sun because it was better than being at home. And Sam was far too kind to end up like dad; a broken shell of the man he used to be, using alcohol as a way of coping with a life that was just not what it should have been. Dad liked to say he could have been anything if it wasn’t for their family. He was a mechanic, and a good one, worked the nascar ring and could fix any engine, until Mary didn’t want him to travel any more. Until Dean and Sam needed him to be at home, and he said no to one contract, than another until the offers stopped coming and he was stuck working for a man with half his talent and none of his ambition fixing soccer mom’s flat tires._

_Not that mom stuck around after Sam left. She claimed she only stayed as long as she did for the kids, the fact Dean had been looking after both mom and Sam since he was ten seemed to be lost on her. Dean didn’t hate her for leaving, but he would never forgive her for staying._

“You know, you’re really not tall, dark and handsome enough to pull off the whole broody poet vibe you seem to be going for.” Luci was watching Dean across the slightly sticky dive bar table, a fry held inches from his mouth and his head tilted ever so slightly to the side.

“Yeah well, you’re nowhere near pretty enough to be this annoying.”

“Mmm, firstly, I disagree, secondly, as far as come backs go, that is weak.”

“As weak as your sex appeal.”

Luci let out a startled laugh, leaning back in the booth and finally eating the fry. “Okay, I’ll give you that one. Take me up on the offer of pool this time?”

Dean gave a quick glance around the bar, assessing everyone else around. There were no obvious cash cows, but a couple of the seeming regulars would probably be good for a couple bucks. “Yeah, alright, let me finish my burger first.”

It turned out that Luci wasn’t half bad at pool and between the two of them, they quickly managed to hustle not only enough to pay for the meal and the room, but enough spare to top up the tank in the morning. They both polished off a couple of beers before deciding it was best to slip out before they caused a fight. Dean would never admit that it had probably been the best night of his life, not just since Sam left, but maybe forever.

"Tell me a bedtime story?” Dean asked, lying star fished on the bed above the covers. The motel room was stiflingly hot, the AC broken and the heater stuck turned on. He’d taken a cold shower, but already he was covered in damp sweat despite wearing nothing but a pair of shorts (not wanting to strip to his boxers while sharing a room with a stranger).

“Once upon a time, there were four angels.”

“No. Not a bible story, a proper one.”

“It is a proper one, now shut up and listen.” Dean grumbled quietly, but did as he was told. “As I was saying, Once upon a time, there were four angels. Michael was the oldest of the angels. He was the best of the best and he had it all, good looks, athletic and smart, the perfect son and prince of heaven. His twin, Lucifer, couldn’t...”

"Wait wait, I might not be up on my bible stories, but even I know Lucifer is the devil not an angel.” Dean made a disgusted noise as a wet towel landed on his face, thrown from the other bed.

“Lucifer was an angel before he fell, just because he became the devil, doesn’t mean he stopped being an angel. You want me to tell a story or not?”

“Okay, okay, I’m listening; just keep your skanky towel to yourself.”

“Thank you. So Lucifer, the twin, couldn’t be more different to his brother. Michael wanted nothing more than to make everyone around him proud, Lucifer wanted nothing more than to be free. He felt caged by the expectations put on him. He didn’t want to live his life to make others happy; he wanted to make himself happy. Next of the angels was Raphael. She was the kindest of the angels. Her whole purpose in life was to heal the sick, and cure all life’s wrongs. The youngest of the angels was Gabriel. He... was not smart or athletic, not particularly kind and deeply lacking in ambition of any kind. Gabriel was a nightmare. He lived to prank and annoy his big brothers, always putting glitter in their wings and itching powder in their robes.”

“Seriously? Wings and robes?”

“Well they are angels. Now shut up.”

Dean mimed zipping his lips together, turning his head to look at the blond on the next bed over. Luci was apparently not as shy as Dean, stripped down to a pair of surprisingly colourful stripped boxer shorts and showing off a rather impressive set of tattoos over a nice set of muscles. He wasn’t ‘ripped’ but he was far from hard on the eyes. “Dude, How are you not sweating right now?”

Luci tilted his head to look at Dean, eyebrows rising as he blinked in surprise before giving him a little grin and a shrug. “I’ve always been a little cold blooded. It’s a family joke that I’m the only person in the world who can be cold during a Cali-summer.”

“There is something seriously not right with you.”

“Mmm, I know. You want me to finish this story or not?”

“Yeah. You were telling me about the pranking Gabriel.”

“Mmm, his angel brothers used to nickname him the trickster, because he was always causing trouble. Now the most important thing to remember about these angels, is that they were close. They grow up together, sharing a room, going to the same school and hanging with the same friends. It was rare to see an angel on his own. Now the angels were young, but they were happy. Even Lucifer who wanted nothing more than to be free was mostly content with his life. Everyone, accept Raphael.”

“Oh no.”

“Exactly. You see Raphael, she was a girl. As feminine as they come. Only when God created his angels, he put their grace into a vessel, a human form. The vessels he made for Michael, Lucifer and even Gabriel were perfect. Their bodies reflected their spirits and all three felt at home and at peace. But for Raphael? Her vessel was wrong. Her spirit, her soul, her grace... was all female, but her vessel? That was a man.”

“Oh I get it.”

“Shh. Seriously, you are a terrible listener. So Raphael. She knew who she was from a young age, but no one else knew. She looked like a man, was treated like a man, and was expected to be a man. For years she struggled in silence, not wanting anyone to know, not thinking her brothers would understand. Until one day, Lucifer was angry. Gabriel had just played another prank, turning Lucifer’s beautiful snow white wings pink in the shower. He had stormed off, butt naked, intent on punishing the annoying little twerp. He went straight to Gabriel’s tree house, where the youngest angel could almost always be found hiding his sweets.”

“But instead of Gabriel, he found Raphael right?”

“You want to tell this story??” Luci sat up in order to better glare at Dean, showing off the stunningly realistic snake wrapped around his left upper arm, shoulder and chest.

“I’m just saying, if you used voices maybe I wouldn’t keep interrupting.”

“Yeah well. Last warning or I’m getting you a gag.”

Kinky fucker.” Dean couldn’t help but wriggle his eyebrows, his tiredness and the beer softening his inhibitions and helping him to relax.

Luci gave him a slow blink before pressing his lips tight together to stop the smile breaking free and lying back down, wriggling around to pull the sheet over himself and get more comfortable despite the heat.

“But you’re right. It was Raphael hiding in the tree house. She went there sometimes, when she thought she was home alone and wanted privacy. She had a stash of makeup and clothes, and she liked to put it on, to make herself look how she knew she was inside. Now you have to understand. Lucifer was an ass. The biggest there was, he took pride in putting others down, in razor sharp tongue and stunning wit. He was an ass to everyone but his brothers, because family are his life. So when he saw Raphael, looking so very very pretty, he was speechless for a moment, because he never knew. But Raphael didn’t understand he was silent out of guilt. Raphael tried to run, not wanting anyone to see her like that. And Lucifer followed, chasing after her.”

“I bet they made a great sight, one angel dressed as a girl and the other naked.”

"Indeed. But Lucifer was slower than Raphael, so by the time he caught her, she had already wiped her face and pulled off her dress. Lucifer was confused, he didn’t know what to do, and talking about feelings shit was more Gabriel or Michael’s thing than it was Lucifer’s... so he did the only thing he could think of. He asked to be pretty too.”

Dean chuckled softly, rolling over to hug his pillow, already half asleep. “Pretty dress to match pretty wings?”

“Exactly. By the time Michael and Gabriel got home, Lucifer was the prettiest girl on the block. Makeup, dress, high heels, the whole works.” Luci trailed off, yawning softly and wriggling deeper under his covers.

“And the other brothers?” Dean whispered, wanting to know how the story ended.

“They were called him Luci and then called him pretty and carried on like normal. They were cool about it. Night Dean.”

“And did Raphael say she was a girl?”

“Yeah, a few days later Raphael explained who she was. Now sleep time.”

“Wait, she okay? Raphael... she get her vessel?”

"She’s got a woman’s body to match her woman’s soul now, but that’s another story. Now go the fuck to sleep Dean.”

“Night Luci.”

“Night.”

Dean buried his face in the pillow and fell asleep with a smile.

~*~*~*~*~ 


	2. Chapter 2

~*~*~*~*~ 

_Dean woke with a jolt. Something was wrong. The normal rattling snore from the living room wasn’t there. He slowly pushed himself to his feet, ignoring the freezing air from an early Kansas spring and no heating. It was still dark, not even a glimmer of light on the horizon coming through the windows. He crept down the stairs, part of him dreading what he would find, but the rest of him resigned. A lack of snoring usually meant dad was awake and had found a bottle somewhere. He would be topping up his already full tank._

_Smothering a yawn in his elbow, Dean reached the bottom floor. He could hear a strange clicking, bubbling sound. With a frown, Dean hit the living room light, calling softly so as not to wake his dad if he was still asleep. “Dad? You okay?”_

_There was no one in the kitchenette, so he looked back towards the sofa, coming closer to peer over the back... And Dean froze._

_He knew he should do something, anything, to help... but he couldn’t. He watched silently, shaking either from the cold or reaction or something. Dad’s eyes were closed, but his mouth was open, lying on his back. He was trying to cough, or to breathe or something. Dean didn’t know. It felt like he stood there for hours, watching his dad turn blue, before finally something broke in him. He felt the moment the rope around his chest let go. He fell forward diving over the back of the sofa and grabbing his dad with one hand as the other grabbed the phone on the table. He dialled 911 even as he rolled his dad, thumping him hard on the back and kept going until the sirens came. It didn’t matter. It was too late._

_The kind eyed paramedic told Dean it wasn’t his fault. She gave him a gentle smile as she patted his knees, telling him the body was cold. His dad had been dead for a while; there was nothing he could have done. Dean didn’t tell her he watched it happen; he didn’t tell her it was his fault._

“Good moooorning Vietnam! Rise and shine princess!” 

Dean woke with a gasp, going straight from dead asleep to wide awake and sitting up in a matter of seconds. “Wha..?” 

“Wow, that is some wake up, you a war vet. Or something?” 

“Wha..?” Dean looked around in confusion, finding Luci standing at the foot of his bed with a take away bag in one hand and a cup holder with two cups in the other. He was fully dressed already, this time wearing a Led Zep t-shirt over a long sleeved black shirt along with black cargo pants. 

“Okay... so it’s more of a zombie reaction than? Good to know. You sounded like you were having some dream though. At first I thought it was happy moaning, but then you started sniffling and I figured I should wake you. Besides, there’s still a full day of driving to go.” 

Dean scrubbed a hand over his face, trying to come to terms with where he was and what the hell the other man was saying. “Fuck. Sorry. Did I...?” He trailed off, not sure how to finish that sentence. 

“Nah, I’ve always been an early riser and I just got back. Egg and bacon roll, you want? I also didn’t know how you had a coffee, so I made it black like my soul.” 

“Thanks, but umm, I think I’m gonna grab a shower first.” 

“Your call, but I’m pretty sure these are barely edible hot, I dread to think what it will taste like cold.” Luci said with a slight scrunch of his nose and a small shrug, but put both down on the table in the corner and perched on the desk, tugging his phone from his pocket. 

Dean grunted a response before stumbling into the small bathroom. He didn’t realise he hadn’t brought his bag until he was standing under the tepid spray trying to wash the sleep and his dream away. He didn’t take long in the shower and was deeply glad he had hung his towel back in the bathroom last night, even though it meant he now either had to ask Luci to pass the bag through to him, or stroll out there in nothing but a towel. 

But Dean had nothing to be ashamed of with his body, and he didn’t really think Luci was a weirdo or a sex perv or anything else. He has had plenty of opportunity and only ever acted on what Dean has said or done first. 

So he spent a few minutes brushing his teeth and shaving, before rubbing the worst of the water off and tying the towel snugly around his waist. Luci gave him a quick glance before looking back at his phone where he seemed to be playing a game. If he checked Dean out at any point, he didn’t catch it. 

The egg and bacon sandwich was as cold, greasy and inedible as promised, but he ate it anyway and drank the cold but strong coffee too. He needed it if he was going to be able to make the rest of the drive in one piece. Luci was unusually quiet, seemingly content to sit and wait for Dean to be ready to go. 

Once he was done and they were settled back in the car, already pulling onto the interstate, Dean finally asked the question that had been bothering him. “So, uh, that story last night was a true one?” 

“Do I look like an angel to you?” Luci turned with a confused frown on his face and Dean couldn’t help but notice how expressive the other man was. He would be great to play poker with. 

“Nah, but I can see you as the devil.” 

Luci laughed, settling himself more into the corner of the car, a small grin tugging the corner of his mouth as he turned to look out the window. “Most of it. I didn’t have my wings at the time, but I do have brothers called Michael and Gabriel, and a sister called Raphael. She mostly goes by Raffy now.” 

“And you still go by Luci.” 

“Beats Lucifer, that’s for sure. I dunno man, when you’ve spent your whole life defending something you had no say in, it gets pretty fucking exhausting. It’s just easier to be someone else some times.” 

Dean gave a wry smile at that. “I know the feeling.” 

“Okay! I don’t want to talk about sad shit. I’m proud as fuck of my little sister, she’s had it fucking hard and I’m psyched she is finally allowed to be who she wants to be. My story is a cake walk by comparison. So I told you a story last night. It’s your turn.” 

“I don’t have any stories to tell man. It’s just me and my kid brother, who I’m on my way to see for the first time in four years, only he doesn’t know I’m coming and probably won’t even want to see me.” 

“Well... that sounds like a story, but not a happy one.” Both men were quiet for a while, letting the car eat the miles as they headed towards the coast. “Okay! I’ll tell you another story. Lemme think.” 

“Another about angel brothers?” 

“Could do... So. I lied when I said there were just the four angels. They were the originals, but there are others too. At least they are half angels, so maybe seraphs?” 

“I don’t know what any of this means man.” 

Luci waved a dismissive hand, “Doesn’t matter. Anyway. So I have this kid brother, Cassie. Dean, he is something else I’m telling you. So. He’s Austistic yeah? Which means his brain doesn’t work the same way that other peoples do. He’s can do maths in his head that makes my brain bleed, but has the social skills of a squashed tomato.” 

Dean couldn’t help but laugh at that. Trying to picture a squashed tomato socialising with other tomatoes. 

“Anyway, so when we were younger, we used to have this vegetable patch, but we grew far more than we could ever eat. So Michael, had this bright idea of selling the excess at a market. I don’t know how much you know about autistic kids?” 

“Not much” Dean replied with a small shrug. 

“Right. Well, they tend to have like one obsession, trains or buses or something. Cassie’s is bees. He loves them. And when I say love, I mean, he has like 6 hives, which he grew wild flowers for. He had bees on his wall paper, bee pjs, and even a stuffed toy called Benjamin. So anyway. Cassie loved bees, and bees make a lot of honey. So we used to sell that too, along with some of the flowers and Gabe’s pastries. One day, we took Cassie along with us. So Michael, he was the charmer of the family, and he did most of the face to face work, right? While I just did the behind the scenes shit, growing the vegetables and setting the prices for everything.” 

Dean made an affirmative humming sound to show he was still listening. 

“So me, Micha, Cassie and Annie are all at the market together, me and Micha, are what... 17? Cassie must have been about 7 and Annie was just a baby. Now it, was a nice day, and there was this girl, Eve, who used to come to the market with her mother, they sold candles and shit. She was beautiful, long brunette hair, hazel eyes, and the most beautiful ruby lips. She was my first kiss, and my first something more, if you know what I mean.” 

Dean snickered, “this the story of your first time?” 

“Nah, just painting the scene. Like I said, I wasn’t much of a sales person, so I left Micha with the kiddies and went to flirt with Eve while her momma wasn’t looking. I wasn’t gone long, you know, maybe half hour tops? But when I come back, I find little Cassie stood all alone. There’s this whole crowd of people around him trying to buy stuff and Cass is just stood there, giving them all the five mile stare. And when I say Cass could stare, I mean the kid doesn’t blink, like at all. So there is this tiny, strange 7 year old, staring down all these California glam mommas and grannies. And he’s not saying a word, while they are all shouting at him, asking him what’s wrong and prices and all sorts of shit. So obviously. I appear and the look of relief on his face? I swear he looked like someone who was finally taking a piss when they had been desperate for the last two hours.” 

“Wow. Luci, you seriously need to work on your visuals man.” 

“Well it gets the point across right?” 

“I suppose.” 

“So there I am, Luci come to save the day. I start dealing with the people, which I fucking hate, and in between I ask Cass what the hell? I mean seriously, why was he just standing there! And Cass looks at me, with these huge blue eyes of his and goes, “Michael told me not to talk to strangers. I do not know these people Lucifer, why do they keep trying to talk to me?” So I don’t even start on that one. I just ask him where the hell Micha’s got to. You know what he says?” 

“No idea, he went for a piss?” 

“Nope! Cassie’s answer is, “He left. He said he will only be a minute, but he has been gone for 14 minutes and 38 seconds. That is 13minutes and 40 seconds more than he said he would be. We should call 911. I think he has been kidnapped.”” 

Dean shot a confused look at Luci in the seat next to him, “You’re shitting me?” 

“Nope.” Luci again popped the p, with a grin. “Cassie is very literal, and he loves numbers. If you say you will be a minute, or to give you five, he will count down the seconds and on the dot either expect you to be back, or to have time for him. And when he was told not to talk to strangers as a kid, he took that as a gospel truth and to this day, he won’t speak to people he doesn’t know. First day of high school? I had to take him around to meet all his teachers and introduce them by name so they wouldn’t be strangers any more. I mean when he had a sub teacher, it was pretty funny, but still.” 

Luci fell silent, a small fond smile on his face as he thought about his brother. Dean waited it out, but it quickly became clear he wasn’t going to continue on his own. “Common man, how does the story end? Micha get kidnapped or go for a piss?” 

“Neither! Annie needed a diaper change but we apparently forgot to bring some, so Micha had to go to a shop to buy some. He came back about five minutes later and then had a 20 minute lecture from Cassy about the dangers of strangers and how worried he had been. We stopped taking him to market after that!” Luci chuckled softly to himself. 

“Well that wasn’t as good a story as the last one. I think I would rather have heard about your first time.” 

Lucifer laughed again, turning to look at Dean. “I bet you would, but I’m hoping to get to Cali in one piece and if I get you horny, you might lose control, or we would need to stop for a little something something.” 

Dean felt heat flood his cheeks again, shaking his head at the other man. “Again? I thought you were done with all this.” 

Luci curled his tongue over his teeth, his eyes shining at Dean for a second before he sing-songed, “Me thinks he doth protest too much. You’re from Kansas right? The rainbow brigade in full force out there, or still being burnt at the stake.” 

“Ha ha. I’m not homophobic or anything. I’m just not... into guys okay.” 

“Mmm, a fact I would find much more believable if you didn’t check me out on a regular basis. There’s no shame in admitting your curious you know.” 

“Look, just because I can admit some guys, sometimes, can be... hot, doesn’t mean I would ever sleep with them. Or even think about it.” Dean muttered, the heat in his cheeks seeming to grow somehow. 

“Go on. Name your first guy crush.” 

“What? I don’t...” 

“Please. Mine was Heath Ledger in ‘10 things I hate about you’ He sung that song and I thought. “Damn! I wish I was Kat.” Everyone has a ‘curious crush’.” 

“Fuck’s sake.” 

“Mmm, what a pretty blush creeping all over your cheeks. I have to admit, you’re damn fun to play with.” 

“Dr Sexy.” 

“Oh I’ll agree I’m sexy, but I’m not a Doctor.” 

Dean groaned, letting his forehead almost touch the wheel before recovering. “I mean, my curious crush was Dr Sexy.” 

“Mmm. Never watched it, but I can dig the doctor feel. You got a girl waiting back in Kansas?” 

“No. No one is waiting for me.” Dean fell silent, his good mood gone in those seven short words. He cranked the windows open, as the June air was already getting hot, and put on a tape, both signals to the man riding shotgun that he was done with the conversation. Luci let it go, taking his phone back out and opening whatever game he normally plays. 

~*~*~*~*~

_Once dad was gone, everyone looked at Dean a little different. It was strange. All these people who have known him for so long, acting so surprised and so sympathetic. Pretending they cared. Cared about Dean, cared about dad. Dean wasn’t stupid. No one cared when dad was alive, they didn’t suddenly start now he was gone._

_The funeral was small. Just Dean, Bobby (a once friend of his dad’s... before the drinking got bad), Ellen (who owns the roadhouse where dad got drunk) and mom. She only came to spit on his grave. To “offer Dean comfort.” Like it mattered now._

_But still life went on. Dad had debts, more than Dean had ever imagined. He packed his stuff up, keeping what he wanted, selling what he didn’t. The house wasn’t theirs any more, gone to pay debts. So Dean lived in his car. It didn’t matter anyway, it wasn’t like he got much sleep._

_On some level, Dean acknowledged this wasn’t a life. He was 26 years old, even if he hadn’t celebrated a birthday since Sam left. He got up, he worked, and he went home. Hours would be lost, just sitting there, staring out the windshield that was the only home he had left. On the bad days, the temptation of the bottle, the lure that took his dad, was so strong he couldn’t resist. On good days, he was so disgusted with himself he couldn’t even look in a mirror._

_When he left, it wasn’t with a plan in place. He just couldn’t stay any more. He said his good byes, to Ellen and Bobby and his boss at the garage. He didn’t expect to come back. Then he got in his car and started to drive. He went 200 miles in the wrong direction before the vague idea of going to visit Sam arose._

”You never told me where in California you’re headed too.” Dean looked at his companion, breaking his own mind-fog for the first time since he met the man. 

”Hmm? Oh. Half-moon bay, but you can just drop me where-ever you stop and I’ll call Micha to get me the rest of the way.” Luci looked away from his phone for the first time in hours to give Dean a small, but genuinely grateful smile. 

Dean nodded, but didn’t otherwise respond as he pulled the car over for a tank top up. He didn’t really have plans for when he got to Stanford... No way of finding Sam, he wasn’t even sure if his brother was still there. 

“You want anything? I’m going to grab some snacks.” 

“Like hell you’re eating in my baby!” Dean snapped, eyes going wide in genuine horror. 

“Relax, I won’t make a mess. Besides, if I do, you can always spank me later.” Luci gave him a wink to go with the grin before jogging across the forecourt to the little convenience store. 

Dean was left spluttering, the blood trying to decide if it should once again rush to his face, or rush a little lower this time, as he tried _really_ hard not picture that admitably tight ass spread over his lap and turned a pretty shade of pink. Fuck. 

Dean dragged his hand over his face, trying to adjust himself as subtly as possible while he filled the impala. With any luck he would have his body and thoughts under control before the other man came back and he embarrassed himself yet again. 

They were only about 6 hours away from Palo Alto now, one more hard push and Dean would never have to see his strange companion again. And yet... He found himself contemplating the possibility of getting lost... or just... keep on driving. How long would Luci stay with him if he stopped going in the right direction... 

“Okay, I bought doughnuts, coffee and cheese puffs. Coffee is tepid at best so we might as well drink it before we get back in the car and that way you can eat a doughnut too!” Luci spoke as he leaned against the impala’s trunk, his purchases in hand. 

“Are you... are you trying to kill me..?” Dean almost whimpered as he looked at the bright orange bag of cheese puffs. 

Luci just grinned, holding out one of the paper cups and a powdered doughnut. With a sigh Dean took the offering, turning to sit on the trunk alongside Lucifer. “Recommend a good motel near Stanford?” 

“Not a clue. Although to be honest, if it’s graduation weekend I doubt there will be much available.” Luci replied, licking sugar off his fingers and yeah. Dean was not going to stay looking at that one. 

“Right.” 

“Wanna crash with us? It’s a big house and depressingly empty now that Raffy, Gabe and Cassie have all moved out. Dad is still on his around the world cruise with the evil step mother, so I’m 90% sure there’s a spare room. Even if I’m wrong, there’s definitely a comfortable sofa.” 

Dean blinked in surprise. He didn’t know what to say to that. On the one hand... it would solve all his problems. He would have somewhere to stay and he wouldn’t need to say goodbye to the best thing in his life right now... On the other hand of course, he’s known the guy for less than 24 hours and he’s thinking about following him home? Insane. 

“No... girlfriend.. or boyfriend... or whatever?” Dean asked as he dusted his hands off and got back into the car. 

“Yeah... you know that whole bad judge of character thing? It goes double for romantic partners.” Luci replied, following Dean. “Also... and don’t laugh, but uhh, it’s only ever been girlfriends.” 

“What? After all that shit you’ve been giving me?” Dean turned to glare, honestly gob-smacked. 

Luci gave a sheepish little smile and half shrug. “Well in my defence, I never said I was gay, so no lying.” 

“Yeah but you’ve been offering yourself up on a platter at every chance you get. That’s like false advertising or something.” 

“Nah, I was pretty confident you weren’t going to take me up on the offer and if you did... well I’m a pretty fast runner.” 

Dean couldn’t help it, he started to laugh, doubling over in his seat as he shook. 

“C’mon, it’s not that funny Dean. I wouldn’t run because you’re a guy, but because all my exs are psycho bitches.” 

“Stop it, you’re killing me. Ow!” Dean grunted between wheezes as Luci thumped him painfully hard on the upper arm. He sat back, brushing the tears from his eyes as he turned to look at the blond pouting at him. “Sorry, sorry. But admit it’s funny.” 

“No, it’s terrifying. I mean literal near-death experiences.” 

Dean grinned, finally getting his laughter under control and starting the car. It was lucky the gas-station wasn’t busy with how long they had been stopped blocking a pump. “So... uhh, story time?” 

“No. You don’t deserve another story.” A glance to the side showed Luci slouching in his seat, arms crossed and lower lip firmly pushed out in a pout. 

Dean couldn’t help the small snigger that escaped him. “Aww Luci, getting shy? Guess you’re just all flirt and no follow through.” Dean teased, relaxing back into the rhythm of driving. There was no response, and a quick glance to the side showed that Luci was still pouting at him, earning another little chuckle. 

Seemed like it would be Luci’s turn to be the silent one. With a final small smile, Dean let him be and focused on the drive. There wasn’t far to go, and Luci never stayed quiet for long. 

~*~*~*~*~ 


	3. Chapter 3

~*~*~*~*~

_They say that time is relative. Dean can attest to that. He had 4 years, just him mom and dad, and he had 6 years of happiness, before dad started to drink. It took 18 months for the drinking to turn to anger and 2 weeks after the first time dad hit mom, before dad hit Dean too. It was 5 years before the first teacher noticed something was wrong, and another 6 months before they acted on it. Less than 12 hours, before CPS was knocking on the door and 5 weeks later, they were saying everything was fine._

_Dad’s promise to do better lasted for almost 3 months. Dean’s broken arm took 8 weeks to heal. When Dean flunked out of school at 17, the beating lasted 45 minutes. The fight with Sam after, lasted for 95. It took 18 years before Sam abandoned Dean. It took mom 3 days to leave after Sam was gone._

_Dean kept dad alive for 3 years, 6 months and 21 days after he was on his own. It took him 4 minutes to die._

_It took 2 days before the post mortem was completed. Cause of death ruled to be ‘alcohol intoxication with terminal aspiration of gastric contents’ in other words, dad choked to death on his own vomit while pissed off his head. It took 6 days to arrange the funeral, not that there was much of one. The pastor said a few words then the body was cremated. Dean didn’t keep the ashes. It took 7 days for him to be kicked out. The debt collectors were kind enough to wait until after the funeral at least._

_It took just over 2 weeks for the last of the bruises to heal, and a little over 3 months for Dean to finally leave. It took 26 years for Dean to realise he was still alive. It took him roughly 20 hours to fall in love with blue eyes, blond hair and an inability to shut up._

_Yeah. Dean knew all about time being relative._

“So you want the stories in chronological order... alphabetical or orders of magnitude?” 

Dean blinked back into the car, turning to find Luci resting his cheek against the backrest and watching Dean through those beautiful eyes. “What?” 

“My sexual history.” 

“Oh... umm, dealers choice I guess.” 

“Well. I already told you Eve was my first.” 

“Wait wait. Your names Lucifer, and your first love was an Eve? Your literally a walking cliche." 

“Ouch. And for the record I said she was my first kiss and first fuck, not first love. Well, unless you count my brothers? But I don’t because we have a no-tongue rule and we don’t mention the time Gabe broke it and I broke his nose.” 

“Wait..... you fuck your brothers? Which one?” 

“What?? No! Fuck that’s gross man. Eww. I kiss them. Clothes on, and no tongue.” 

“Except Gabe.” 

“You want a fucking story or not.” 

Dean grinned when a second glance showed Luci was once again pouting at him, although for the first time there was also a tell-tale blush on his otherwise pale cheeks. He didn’t meet Dean’s gaze and he turned to sulk out the window. 

“Okay, okay, I’m sorry. Tell me your story.” 

“Don’t think I want to any more.” 

“Sure you do. You love talking.” 

“Actually. I really don’t. I’ve never told anyone the Raffy story before. No idea why the fuck I told you, other than being tired as hell and ridiculously glad of the ride.” 

Dean hummed thoughtfully, tapping his fingers on the steering wheel. “You never did tell me how you came to be hitch hiking half way across America.” 

There was the sound of plastic scrunching and Dean glanced just in time to see Luci opening the bag of cheese puffs. The sound he made could only be described as despair but when he opened his mouth to complain, Luci shoved a cheesy puff past his lips, cold fingers just brushing his lip. “Oh well, if you’re already eating, that means I’m allowed to eat too! Thanks Dean.” Luci gave him a shit eating grin, before very deliberately biting a cheese puff, holding it between his perfect white teeth for a few seconds as his eyes shined with laughter. 

Dean swallowed his mouthful, pouting mournfully at the now already contaminated interior. “I hate you.” 

“No, you love me. And actually, I was in New York, so literally hitch hiked all the way across America, not just half the way. As to why? Well there are two valid answers to that. One being the fact I’m an idiot. The second being the fact I have more pride than common sense.” 

“I believe both answers.” 

“Everyone always does. Sometimes I feel I should be insulted. Anyway. I told you Raffy got the body she always wanted? Well that surgery is fucking pricy so it took a lot longer to happen than we thought it would. Plus, you know, she was going through med-school and didn’t want to take the time out. She needed someone to come live with her post op, help her with her meds and bandages and shit. So I volunteered to come stay for a little bit. I hate flying, 99% sure we are going to crash in a molten fireball, and while I would admit that’s a cool way to go, still no. So I was all set to drive, my lady is a diamond blue 1968 Shelby GT500. She’s beautiful. But, she’s a thirsty girl and fuel economy... well, you know.” Luci trailed off with a shrug and a gesture at the impala. “So she’s not really an option for a long distance ride. And to be honest, she breaks down. A lot.” 

Dean laughed, “Yeah, not exactly the most reliable car on the market, still bet she’s a beauty.” 

“She is.” Luci paused, that small smile creeping back onto his lips. 

“So if not your lady, than what?” 

“Ah, my mistress, now, she is a beautiful thing. Indian Scout Bobber. Mmm. That girl is all sleek lines and chrome, I kid you not, I have some serious wet dreams about that lady.” 

“Yeah? But you didn’t ride her?” 

“Micha hates her. He’s convinced I’m going to die and the fucker hid my keys and refused to give them back until after I get home.” 

Dean laughed again, his face was starting to hurt from how much smiling and laughing he’d done in the last few days. “So you ended up hitching out there?” 

“Nah. Micha, the asshole, bought me a bus ticket, but I’m telling you, three days on a bus nearly killed me. So, I figured a car ride would be quicker, and buying a car just to get home seemed a splurge, so hitch hicking it was! I can’t wait to see Micha’s face when I tell him. I just hope the lectures only last 20mins not 20 hours.” 

“Dude, you’re actually crazy.” 

“Nooo, crazy are those psycho bitches I date.” 

“Go on, chronological order. Let us start, with the gorgeous Eve with the brown hair.” 

Luci snickered, licking the cheese from his fingers with smooth swipes of his tongue. “You remembered that?” 

“It was only this morning you said it.” 

Lucifer paused, hand still raised and tongue between his fingers as he turned to look at Dean. “Shit. Was it really only this morning?” 

“You saying talking to me feels like forever?” 

“Yes. Yes it does.” Luci grinned, winked and finished licking his hand clean. Dean cleared his throat and focused back on the road, willing his body to not react like a 14yr old just discovering sex. “So Eve, she was fine while we dated, but after we broke up.... She convinced her new boyfriend, Justin, to attack me with a hammer.” 

Dean gaped at Lucifer, “you’re lying! There’s no way that really happened.” 

“No lie, apparently she told him all this shit I’d done. Which wasn’t true, but Justin believed.” He gave a little shrug, “That’s not even the worst one. After Eve, I dated a girl called Abaddon. And don’t bother with the jokes; I’ve literally heard them all. She was amazing though. I mean, real Femme Fatale. She wore leather, kick boxed, had tattoos. She was a work of art and I had it bad for her.” 

“So what went wrong?” 

“Blood kink. I mean, to each their own, you know? But not my kink. I was fine with her being a bit of a domme in the bedroom, it was even fun most of the time. But we had only been dating like 6 weeks, when she had me tied to the bed and brought out this knife, and not like a little butter knife, I mean a proper fully functioning hunting knife. I damn near shat myself and that was the end of that one.” 

“Wow... you have bad taste in women.” Dean said, shaking his head in disbelief. 

“Trust me when I say, you are not the first to tell me this. But still... not the worst. Lilith on the other hand?” 

“Nope! I’m out. There is no fucking way you dated a girl called Lilith. I’m not a complete idiot you know.” 

“I wish I hadn’t, but it’s true, made the news and everything.” 

“The fuck? How the fuck did you dating a chick make the news.” 

“She... Was not a well bunny. We were, 23? Ish. My littlest brother, Balth, was just turning one, and Lilith... loved him. Looking back, it was actually pretty creepy. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I never left her alone with any of the kids, because she had no business being around them. But she kept offering, over and over again.” 

“Please don’t tell me...” 

“No. Well... Not that I know. I mean, I hope not. She stole a baby from a NICU. Dressed as a nurse, and just walked right out the hospital with this baby. Turned up at my work, I was wait staff in this old diner, with this tiny baby, and told me we were going to run away and be a family together. I called the cops so fucking fast while also keeping her talking until the got there. I’ve never seen that many cops arrive that quickly, as the hospital had already raised the alarm.” 

“Fuck me. I can’t decide if your cursed, have bad taste, or should just stop fucking dating the bible.” 

Lucifer burst out laughing, eyes crinkling as he lost it, laughing so hard he couldn’t even catch his breath and no sound was coming out as tears appeared in his eyes. 

“You okay? Luci?” Dean let go of the wheel, reaching over to thump Lucifer a couple of times on the back, in case he was choking, a couple of wheezing ows were his reward. 

“Yeah... yeah, fuck. Just... dating the bible... kills me. Micha will fucking love it.” Lucifer coughed a couple of times, wiping the moisture and trying to get himself under control again. 

“Alright, well if your sure you’re not dying. So was that enough to put you off dating completely yet?” 

“You’d think it would be, right? But no. I did “stop dating the bible” though.” Luci used air quotes and everything as he said that. “My next girlfriend was Meg. She... I fucking loved her. I mean, genuinely thought she was the one. We were talking about marriage and everything. I don’t know. We dated two years? Never a problem, no sign of crazy, even Michael liked her, and he didn’t like any of the others.” 

“So the curse was broken?” Dean asked. They had just passed the state line, now officially in California. 

“You might think so... but alas no. I don’t even know what went wrong. Everything was great, and then one day, it wasn’t. She started accusing me of cheating, which I wasn’t, got jealous of everyone, even my family. It... quickly became clear she wasn’t well. Started talking about demons, said she was possessed by something, that they wanted her to kill people. Maybe I made things worse? I don’t know, but I knew we couldn’t go on as we were. I told Meg she needed to get better, before we could get married, she, didn’t take it well.” 

Lucifer fell silent, looking out the window. His expression was hard to judge for Dean, gone was the laughing and the smiles, he looked almost sad. 

“Hey, you don’t have to go on if you don’t want to.” 

Luci sighed, rubbing his face with a hand and shrugging a shoulder. “It was my fault. She was cooking dinner at the time, so she had a knife in her hands. She was quick, and I mean, I’m strong? But I didn’t want to hurt her, I just wanted to help. She managed to stab me twice, and a couple hefty cuts too until I got her under control.” 

“You know, I can’t help but wonder why Mike is so worried about you riding a bike, sounds like dating is far more dangerous for you.” 

Luci gave a small smile, a hollow attempt at mirth. “Tell him that.” 

“Maybe you should just join the priesthood or something? I mean, this many bad relationships and no good ones? I think we need to look at the common factor, which, let’s face it, is you.” 

“Gee, thanks Dean.” 

“You’re welcome.” 

They both fell silent for a little bit. What had started as a fun conversation seemed to have quickly taken a dark turn, but Dean didn’t want this to be the end. They still had a way to go, but it was quickly running out. 

“What happened to Meg?” 

“She’s in a hospital, on medication and doing much better. I went to visit a couple of times, when she begged me to, but I guess it’s hard to recover a relationship after that.” 

“Yeah, I imagine it is.” 

“Still. Life goes on, and fool that I am, I keep trying.” 

“C’mon man, I can’t take any more near-death stories from you.” 

“Kelly was okay. She wasn’t long term, just a couple of weeks of fun.” 

“Until?” 

“Nothing. Well, she got pregnant, but that’s it.” 

“That’s it? So your still together?” 

“We weren’t really together to begin with. Just fucked around a little. She told me she would get an abortion. I said fine, offered to pay, offered to go too, you know, be a gentleman.” 

“Gentlemen wrap up.” 

“Shut it. She took the money, but didn’t want me to come. We didn’t speak again. I guess we both had to deal with our shit and it wasn’t enough of a relationship to work through together.” 

“Almost sounds like a normal relationship.” 

“Yeah. Except two days ago I got a call from Michael saying Kelly turned up on the doorstep with a six week old baby and a shit tonne of stuff, saying she thought she could do it, but she was wrong. So, not a psycho bitch, but apparently I’m now a dad to the kid I thought died before he had a chance to live.” 

“Wow. No wonder you were in a rush to get home.” 

“My life is a mess, and I just became responsible for another one. I’m freaking the fuck out, but I guess that’s why I’m flirting with cute boys with Disney green eyes, and talking shit to keep out my own head.” 

“Wait wait, you’ve been flirting? Damn, you need to work on your game. I’m starting to feel sorry for all those exs.” 

“Oh, I feel for them too, I’m clearly such a good lay, none of them will settle for anyone else. Once you dance with the devil, no one else can come close.” He gave Dean another one of his winks, but his heart wasn’t in it. 

“Well. For what it’s worth, I think you should lay off the girls for a while.” 

“Are you offering to date me instead?” 

Dean didn’t reply as the traitorous heat flooded his cheeks, he very deliberately focused on driving and avoided eye contact of any kind. Luci chuckled next to him murmuring a quiet “I’ll take that as a no” but not pushing the subject. 

~*~*~*~*~

_Sex had only ever been a momentary relief for Dean. A way to release tensions and to pretend, for a moment, that he was normal. He had never had a girlfriend, half the women he slept with, he couldn’t even remember their names. They didn’t matter. No one mattered. Because Sam always came first, and once Sam was gone, he had to think about dad. Besides, it’s hard to fit a love life around that many hours of work and it wasn’t like he could bring anyone home._

_No. Love was something reserved for other people. For better people. For people who weren’t Dean._

“Okay. If you’re going to come stay with me, even to crash on the sofa, I need to know something. Anything other than the fact your name is Dean, you drive a pretty car and have a little brother called Sam who graduates tomorrow.” 

Dean was almost starting to get used to the questions just as he started to get lost in his own head. It’s almost like Luci had a sixth sense for it. “There’s really not much more to know. I’ve not had an exciting life like yours.” 

“Anything.” 

“My dad’s dead. Mom left. Quit my job, no home to speak of and if you think you’re life’s a mess, you’ve got nothing on me.” 

“Okay.” 

“Okay?” 

“Yeah, I wanted more info, you gave me some. I don’t know if it makes a difference or not, but to be honest, I like you, so obviously you’re going to turn out to be insane and try to kill me.” 

Dean laughed, “I didn’t say I would stay with you yet.” 

“You got another option? Other than sleeping in your car that is.” 

“You’re still just trying to get in my pants.” 

“You know, it’s a lot less fun when you start flirting back.” 

“What was it you said, if it makes you feel uncomfortable, I’m going to do it more.” 

Luci laughed. “You know, I’ve laughed more in the last day I’ve spent with you, than in the last year in total.” 

Dean gave a small shrug, and a wry smile to the blond, “Likewise, but I mostly just think that’s your bad lines and your disaster stories.” 

“So, what is little Sammy studying at Stanford?” 

“I... don’t actually know. I’ve not spoken to him since he left home four years ago. He doesn’t know I’m coming, and might not even still be at school.” 

“Okay.” 

“Okay?” 

“Don’t know what else to say to that Dean. Look. I’m not an idiot, you and me, have had very different lives. My family is fucking awesome, even if Micha worries like a granny and Gabe’s a pain in the fucking ass and Raffy moved halfway across the world to be who she needed to be and my Cassy is a fucking... I don’t even know how to finish that sentence. When I need them? Every single one of them will be there for me. Even dad, who’s been on a cruise for the last 5 years? He calls every week, and makes sure we’re okay.” 

“Wow... if you’re trying to make me feel better, I think you’ve failed.” 

“I don’t even know what I’m trying to do Dean. I told you I’m not good at this shit.” 

“You helped your sister.” 

“Yeah, by wearing a fucking dress and letting her put make up on me. You want to play dress up?” Lucifer tilted his head to one side, blue eyes seeming impossibly wide as he looked at Dean. 

“Sam always wanted to be a lawyer when he grew up. He wanted to be the guy putting away the bad guys. And you’re right. I had a shit childhood, but I’m not a kid any more, and neither is Sammy. I survived and I’m fine now.” 

“No offense, but you are about as far from fine as it’s possible to be. But I’m not one to judge. The offer of the sofa is still open, for a night or two at least. You can tell me a bedtime story tonight, and go reconnect with your hippie brother tomorrow. Everyone’s happy.” 

Dean sighed, drumming his fingers on the steering wheel for a moment, trying to make up his mind. They were almost in Palo Alto, he was running out of time, but he didn’t know what this even was. What is he being offered here? A sofa, a night, a chance for something more? 

“You have a baby.” 

“Believe it or not, I didn’t actually forget that fact. It’s fine. It was a weird offer. You’re better off sleeping in the car.” Lucifer turned away, pressing his forehead to the window and watching the California scenery pass. 

“You know, it’s the same distance from here to your house as to Palo Alto. I may as well just job you home. Maybe I can be a beach bum for the night.” 

“I’m cool with whatever you want to do.” 

“Are you seriously sulking right now?” 

“No.” 

Dean darted several looks at the other man, at the defensive curl of his body and hunched shoulders. “What the actual fuck is happening right now?” 

“Nothing. I’m fine.” 

“Yeah and I’m the queen of England. If you don’t want me to fucking take you home, just say it okay.” 

“I said. I’m fine. Drop it.” 

“I don’t get you man. You chat shit for the whole day straight, but the second we are having a real talk you bail on me?” 

“A real talk? I’ve fucking told you everything about me, and you haven’t even said your last name. Who the fuck are you to talk about being real. You know what. Fuck this. Pull over.” 

Dean thumped the wheel in frustration; he didn’t understand how the conversation got so out of hand so quickly. He didn’t have an answer or a way to keep the guy in his car, so he did the only option available. He pulled the car onto the side of the road and stopped, leaving the engine idling. 

For a moment they sat in silence, only the rumble of the impala engine and the sound of the other cars passing, before Lucifer finally moved. He dug around in his pocket for a moment before pulling out his wallet and grabbing a handful of notes. He chucked them on the seat between them when Dean made no attempt to grab the notes. “Thanks for the ride. Good luck with your brother.” He muttered softly, before leaving over the back seat to grab his duffle bag and got out of the car. 

Dean didn’t reply, didn’t even turn to look, and just bent forward until he was nearly hugging the wheel as he tried to breathe through his emotions. There was a prickling at the back of his eyes and his nose was itching in a way he refused to acknowledge. A man he had met a day ago should not have this impact on him, especially when he wasn’t even gay. 

Dean didn’t know how long he sat there for, breath coming in sharp pants as his heart raced faster and faster. He felt like he was going to be sick or explore, or both. He couldn’t do this. Sam won’t want to see him, Sam had moved on, found a better life. No one stuck around with Dean. He wasn’t worth the time. He was stupid for thinking otherwise. 

Dean was so focused on his spiralling thoughts that he didn’t even notice as the car door next to him opened, until long fingers were splaying over the back of his neck as a hand gently turned Dean’s face. 

His cold and clammy forehead was pressed firmly against the cooler skin of another, bringing him level with icy blue eyes. “Okay, slow down. Breathe with me Dean. Match your breath with mine. In, 2, 3. Out, 2, 3. In, 2, 3. Out, 2, 3. That’s it. Good boy. Stay with me.” 

Dean closed his eyes, chest shuddering as he concentrated on the calm voice counting his breaths. He was hyper aware of the firm grip on the back of Dean’s neck as well as the rough thumb that was rubbing a soothing motion over his cheek. 

“Fuck.” The word was little more than a tired exhale, but there was no cheeky response, no offer of sex or taunt in reply. Just the same steady breathing and gentle caress. “I’m sorry.” 

“You don’t need to apologise to me Dean. I was the one being an ass.” 

“I mean... for this... being pathetic... fucking crying.” The words were forced out between pants as he almost immediately began to hyperventilate again. 

“Fuck’s sake Dean. It’s a fucking panic attack not the end of the world. You think Cassy hasn’t had a hundred of those? He freaks out if the amount of PB isn’t exactly the same as the amount of Jelly. He uses scales Dean, scales to make a sandwich.” 

Dean half laughed and half sobbed, slowly bringing his arms up to wrap around the other man, as he shifted to hide his face against Luci’s shoulder. The other man let him do what he needed, just continuing to hold him and breathing those calm steady breathes. He felt like an idiot, but also, for possibly the first time in his life, he felt seen. 

~*~*~*~*~


	4. Chapter 4

~*~*~*~*~

_There was one lesson in life Dean was taught early, but took 18 years to understand._

_Don’t care._

__

_If you care, you will be disappointed and if you care, you will be hurt. He was taught that lesson as a child, when his dad was too busy working to see his first day at school. He was taught again when dad missed his pee-wee soccer game. Every school play, every game, every parents evening. He was taught again and again. Just because he wanted someone to be there for him, wanted someone in his corner, that didn’t mean there would be someone there._

_So Dean made sure Sam never felt that way. He was the person for Sam. He was mother, father and big brother all in one. He never missed a thing._

_And then Sam left him._

_Dean finally understood the lesson life had been teaching him. Everyone he loved would leave him. He didn’t deserve to be happy._

“Are you sure this is okay?” Dean couldn’t help but ask as he parked the car on the drive. Luci’s house was every bit as big as he had said it was, in a small gated community. Dean had rarely felt like he belonged, but he had never felt more out of place. 

“Nope. But there’s only one way to find out!” Luci gave him a grin, popping his p as always before getting out of the car. The front door was already opening, revealing a pre-teen girl with bright orange hair in gentle curls around her face. Her confused face quickly shifted to a beaming grin when she noticed Luci. 

“Luci! You’re home! Micha said you would never be able to get home this quick unless you flew, which he said you were much too chicken-shit to do.” 

“Oi, language! What have I fucking said about swearing?” 

“To do more of it.” The young girl laughed as she jump hugged Luci, wrapping her legs around his waist and pressing her face to his chest. 

Dean slowly got out of the car. He didn’t really know what to do; it seemed like the sort of moment that shouldn’t be interrupted. A second person burst out of the front door, a small blond haired boy who wasted no time joining the hug. 

“You’re back! You have to help me, Luci, Annie and Mike are watching Titanic and if I have to listen to that song one more time I’m going to scream!” 

The older man laughed, giving his sister a kiss before putting her down to pick up the boy instead. “Sorry Balthy, you know there is no coming between Micha and Leonardo. Tough out of luck kiddo.” 

Lucifer dropped the other kid before looking back at Dean and making the come hither motion. Both kids immediately began asking questions, but Luci just waved them away, waiting until Dean came over before hooking arms with him and leading him into the home. “Mi casa, est su casa, Dean.” 

“Right, you weirdo.” 

“We prefer the term differently normal in this house, thank you very much.” The young girl reported, flicking her hair over her shoulder and waltzing past the two older men. 

“She’s right you know.” Luci grinned at him a little, leading him past the foyer and off to one side, into a large living room, where Dean was greeted by one of the stranger sights he’s ever seen. 

The man dark haired man sitting on the sofa was wearing a pair of bright blue cargo shorts with a white Mickey Mouse T-shirt, along with the brightest pink fluffy slippers Dean had seen in his life. The whole look was finished off with the avocado green face mask while he busied himself knitting what appeared to be a baby-sized jumper in green and blue strips. A film was paused on the TV in the background. 

“Looking good Micha.” Luci said with a grin, leaning firmly against Dean’s side. The other man didn’t even look up, just paused long enough to flip the bird before resuming his knitting. 

“I think I understand the whole... differently normal thing.” Dean murmured. 

“Oh... Hello? I didn’t know we were having company.” The dark haired man looked up at the sound of Dean’s voice, blinking in confusion as he looked between Dean and Luci. 

“Dean’s gave me a lift half way home, thought the least I could do is give him a place to sleep tonight.” 

“I can, uhh, also look at your lady for you if you wanted?” 

“My... Fucking... Luci! It happened one time! I’m never fucking telling you anything again!” Michael snapped, he was clearly trying to glare, but the full impact was lost under the green goo on his face. 

Dean made a confused noise looking between Mike and Luci as he waited for someone to explain. Lucifer on the other hand was silent for a second before bursting into laughter. 

“I didn’t tell him anything! I didn’t even know you were dating again Mike, but thanks for that mental image.” 

“If you didn’t mean... shit. What, uhh, what lady?” Dean was certain if he could see Mike’s face it would be bright red right now. 

“I meant Luci’s car? He mentioned it had been acting up a little? What did you think I meant?” 

Lucifer was bent double, clinging to the door frame as he wheezed with laughter. “Nothing!” Mike snapped, pushing himself to his feet and looking about ready to storm out. 

“Mike thought you were propositioning him.” Luci gasped between his laughter. 

“What does that mean?” “Eww! Gross!” Balthy and Annie cried at the same time. 

“Never you mind Balthazar, we will tell you when you’re older and Luci we talked about these conversations in front of the kids.” 

“God you two are disgusting! I’ll be in my room and we will finish this movie tomorrow, Mike!” Annie shouted as she ran up the stairs. 

Balthazar was looking between the adults with a confused crinkle of his nose. “I’m old enough to know too. Tell me.” 

“No. Come on, time for bed balth, give Lulu a hug goodnight and leave him and his... friend. Jack’s asleep in the basket, he ate about 30mins ago, so he’ll be down for a while.” Mike spoke, as he led the youngest out the room, pausing only long enough to press a kiss to Luci’s cheek. 

Dean watched as Lucifer went from near hysterics to sheer terror in seconds. He murmured a soft good night to Balthazar who was complaining loudly as he went up the stairs, before walking over to where Mike had been sitting and dropping onto the sofa. 

Dean followed quietly, not sure what to say, but also not sure if words were wanted or needed right now either. There was another sofa at 90 degrees to the one Luci was on and Dean sat there. Watching Luci’s silent face as he stared at the small baby lying in the basket between the two sofas. A tiny pink face with soft blonde down, eyes shut tight and tiny pink lips lightly parted. 

They stayed like that for a while, only realising how long it had been when Mike flopped onto the sofa next to Luci, lying down with his head in his brother’s lap. He had washed the green gunk off his face. “He looks like you.” 

Lucifer smiled softly, not looking away from the baby. “How did this happen Micha?” 

“Well... When boys get ‘excited’ all the blood rushes to their cock and they get... neurgh, Lulu!” The end of his sentence was stopped by Lucifer pinching his brother’s nose shut with a scowl. 

“Not that Mike, you ass. I know how fucking sex works you virgin.” 

“Yeah, clearly you know how sex works, just not how to be safe. You get disease tested?” 

“I use fucking condoms. Always.” 

Mike shrugged a little, settling back in Luci’s lap. “They break sometimes. You’ll be fine Luci. You practically raised the kids anyway.” 

“You raise the kids, I just teach them to swear and cheat on tests.” 

“Bullshit and we both know it. You cook dinner, you clean, your there when they get sick, you do 90% of the bedtimes. I just swan in and take all the credit. I’m not complaining mind, I like being the good big brother not the screw up, but you will be a good dad, Lu. Now. I love you, but I’m fucking starving because the kids had chicken nuggets and I can’t eat that processed shit, so I’m going to get dinner. You want some?” 

“Please. Dean, you want some too?” 

“Uhhh.” 

“He does.” Luci explained, leaning down to press his lips against Michael’s forehead. Michael grinned, rolled over and getting up, pressing a return kiss to Lucifer’s chin before giving a lazy salute and leaving the room. 

Dean couldn’t help but feel jealous, seeing the easy affection between the two brothers. “Mike... is something else.” 

Luci turned that easy smile to Dean. “Yeah. He really did have a threesome once you know. Some chick came up to him in a bar and asked him if he liked to watch. He said yes, which is why he thought you were offering to join him.” 

“Are all of your family going to try and sleep with me?” 

“Raffy only likes girls and I don’t think Cas has a sex drive, but Gabe will probably corner you if he ever meets you. Although, to be fair to Mike, I don’t think he was actually offering.” 

Dean hummed softly, not agreeing, but not arguing either. He carefully toed his boots off before turning to lie on his back, arms folded behind his head. “I think your right about your family being awesome though.” 

“I know, even if they watch fucking Titanic, the weirdos.” 

“Don’t you mean differently normal? Ow!” Dean laughed softly as the sofa cushion hit him in the face. 

“I’m going to take a nap; it will be like an hour before Mike comes back. If you hurt the kids, I will hunt you down and pull your fingernails out one at a time, before I carve you into tiny, little pieces and make you eat yourself Hannibal style. Clear?” 

“Crystal. And... thanks Lucifer. I'm glad I met you.” 

"I'm glad I met you too, Dean." 

~*~*~*~*~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I know it doesn't feel like a very finished story right now, but I just felt that ending with with Luci making it home made sense, but if you like the story, don't worry, because I can probably be convinced to write the next story with the focus Dean and Sam... :)


End file.
